Sunday, May 17, 2009

moments in time

i always have really brief moments in time which are extremely vivid in my memory. while every other detail about it is hazy - what time period that was, what else was going on in my life - i can always remember certain small events in time - two or three seconds long - that have become permanently embedded. one of those moments is when i told master chuang that i would accept being captain for my m. eng year at MIT. and looking back on it, that was one of the times that really has defined my life even until this point.

the story actually goes back maybe a year earlier, when i walked by the equipment locker and saw a poster of cecile scoring a headshot on some cornell opponent (mary). it was one of those iconic MIT images that will be forever a part of our history. and when i saw it again, even though it was maybe already a year old, i felt a strange sense of belonging and pride in being a part of thise club, still young at that time, and i told myself that i was ready to devote my life to mit sport taekwondo. of course, at that time i was also having relationship issues and making mit stkd the primary focus of my life hadn't happened yet, and was just a distant idea.

coming back to the other moment, i was in the middle of finals for my senior year and i was answering master chuang's email about becoming captain next year. i had been under amazing captains, conor and rich, and wasn't sure if i could step up, but then i was itching to take the lead and become officially vocal. i wanted more than anything to lead the team more than by example, and to have the approval of the instructors to do it. but for a moment the thought of my m.eng crept in my head and i actually began writing, "Dear sabumnim, I am extremely honored to be considered for the captain position. I would love to do it, but I'm not sure if my schedule would allow me to fully fulfill my duties." then suddenly i woke up and wondered why the hell would i waiver at such an opportunity. there was nothing that could come between me and the mit team. i knew that to have any doubt or reservation would kill my effectiveness as a leader, so i changed my letter to something more resolute.

after this year, i think that the acceptance of that role not only allowed me to contribute to the 2005-2006 season, but also let me continue to have an influence, and also continues to reward me, even to this day.

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