Tuesday, April 8, 2008

losing hope

what's the feeling when your parents finally lose all hope in you for greatness? i think it's probably the most depressing thing to hear your mother say "i guess i have to accept that you're not going to achieve anything great. it's easier to bear if i give up." and you have to wonder, am i really that much of a failure that my own mother has accepted living out the rest of her life in depression? is it my fault, or the fault of her fucking chinese friends who love to gossip and compare the achievements of their children, who sell out to wallstreet? part of me thinks that this should make me mad, and i should rebel against her hopelessness, get into harvard just to "show her". and part of me wonders why it ever could have happened.

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