honey

makes everything better. mmmmm. raisin bread is awesome.

wisdom...gone

i had my wisdom teeth extracted today. i've always been unlucky at the dentists. i fear the drill and needle just as much as the next guy, and my one nightmare is that a drill or pick will slip and i'll feel it in one of my dental nerves. that's why i opted for full anaesthesia, and while they're at it, went ahead and did another operation on my root canal. (that's the third time now.)

surprisingly i wasn't very nervous going up to the surgery. i think it's because i knew that i'd be completely out, thanks to gas. but then they told me to make a fist so the veins on the back of my hand would pop out. i hate IVs, and at the moment the gas hadn't started taking effect so i'd say that was the most painful part of the surgery.

then the gas hit. it was slightly sweet smelling but somewhat suffocating, and i found myself preferring to breathe real air through my mouth instead. but i made do by only breathing out of my mouth, and then the high hit me. it was a very familiar high, except for a claustrophobia that accompanies being strapped down in a chair and having no choice to breath in the gas. but at that moment two things happened - all my muscles suddenly relaxed (and i sank about two inches downwards into the chair) - and my attention instantly focused on nothing but the hair of my doctor that was flapping with each breath i took. and the last thing i noticed was that they had another needle with some other injection, but it was no longer scary.

light vs dark

i had a revelation today when i unscrewed the cap of my sprite bottle (now used to store water). i saw the familiar lines of code that go with mycokerewards.com. and i thought for a second, sprite is also having a points system? then i saw the mycokerewards.com symbol on the label and realized that sprite and coke are made by the same company and i had been throwing away mycokerewards points from sprite.

but then my world collapsed. sprite and coke are mortal enemies (though deliciously complementary.) on a given night, you either want something light and citrusy, or something dark and deep. like sometimes you want a wine with your fish, and other times you want a beer with the burger, but generally they don't mix. and if you start with a rum and coke you can't go to the sickly sweet of a sprite and liqueur. so how is it that they both contribute to my rewards?

free tshirt, here i come!

there's something in every taekwondoist that is a monster. a completely different persona that comes out in the middle of a ring that is completely different from who you are once you step off the mats. have you ever looked at someone who you know is good, and wonder how they can be good? but then you know that when they step on, there's something in their eyes that starts burning and out of their lungs and legs is this energy that you won't see in their everyday steps. at least we all have a balanced sense of self so that when we're outside, whether we're drinking beer, working at the office, going to school, or being nerds and playing video games.

my inner monster is dying to go to sleep and never come out again. i know there's a fire inside, and i know what it felt like when it burned, years ago. but when i creep toward the edge again, and the flames begin to kindle, it dawns on me so heavily. with the fire comes a lot of pain that i just couldn't face again. i know what it takes to cultivate that monster, and right when i considered going to the next qualifier, the weight just fell on my shoulders and i was visibly depressed for the next 12 hours. in fact, the past day i felt so unhappy just because of the possibility of competing that i almost needed to skip taekwondo practice to cure it.

and then there are some people who remind me of what it was like to want so much out of taekwondo. and it's hard to even think about what is going through their minds (much less read their blogs about it..) because i don't want to relive what i used to feel, and what i don't want to feel again. the moment you put on an extra layer of warmups, you start obsessing about your kicks, your opponents, psyching yourself out, worrying about weight, obsessing about what to eat next and what you cannot eat anymore...i think one day it's just not worth it. and when i see someone else looking downwards during practice, with a glazed look in their eyes because their mind is actually off somewhere else, burning itself to death, i will painfully remember it, then try to walk away.

bsg last supper

very cool:




for comparison:

bsg has it going on. also, the 8 minute catch up is great.